We here at the Chris Plante Show know you can’t always be aware of what is currently outraging the left, so every now and then we try and compile a few things just so you know what is currently oppressing and triggering them.
- The American Flag! Yes, the Stars and Stripes are terrible and anti-immigrant, apparently, when worn to an Iowa High School Basketball game.
- Daylight Saving Time! Again it’s hard to believe, but never forget that the MAN uses TIME to steal your daylight hours with evil WORK. Daylight Saving time OPPRESSES you, at least according to the smart guys at the Washington Post
- Sean Spicer at the Apple Store! How dare he show his face in public, thank god a brave woman got in his face and accosted him and called him a fascist, who KNOWS what may have happened if it weren’t for her? He may have bought a car charger!
- The Electoral College! See, Trump won so the Electoral college is now bad, so the Popular vote should be the decider, then Hillary is president. Yeah?
- The Low Five! Expect the masturbation police to come check on you just to make sure you’re on the up and up
- Telling people to think for themselves! I mean this one speaks for itself, thank god the police were called in time.
- The Republican Healthcare plan! Huffington Post says it’s an assault on People of Color, you know because it came from Republicans so it’s automatically Racist!
- Scales! Like, the kind that give your weight! A Canadian college removed the Scales from the gym because kids were ‘triggered’ by knowing their weight.
- The DVR? Possibly, since the New York Times took it upon itself to break down and describe the three times in the most recent episode of SNL when they made fun of Trump. No other sketches, just a three page article describing jokes on tv. The headline is amazing, btw: “On ‘S.N.L.,’ Donald Trump Botches His ‘Independence Day’ Moment” Wow.
- Literacy in Teachers! Apparently teachers in New York have trouble reading, or at least minority teachers. So instead of addressing the problem, they’re scrapping the Literacy test. That’s fixed now! Why should teachers have to read anyway, RACISTS?
So now you have ten new things to be outraged over or offended by or triggered bi or anything! You’re welcome!
